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From a Garage Near you.

Useless Signs

THE OBVIOUS

Any Questions?

Anti Theft Device

COMING TO A REFRIGERATOR NEAR YOU

Ever go for lunch, only to find some a$$hole has stolen your food? Not any more! 

The Moon

Das Boat Update

Managed to find some time to work on the sub.  Actually, I had found that one of the blocks of wood developed a slight twist.  Most would say it was minor, but I didn't want it to escalate into a twisted master model.  I placed the two planks together, clamped them flat, and then dowelled them.  I then let it sit for a few weeks.  I just took the clamps off and presto, the twist was gone.

The next step was to make a template from the plans for the side view of the sub.  I chose the side view since the top and the bottom of the hull are relatively flat, that would save some time handworking later on. 

 In order to make sure all was square, I had to handwork the sides of the block.  Luckily, I had a bigass block plane I bought at a flea market during the summer.  With my block plane, and square, it took approximately an hour to get the side flat and square with the top and bottom.(+ or - .005") yeah that's right, I checked it from one end to the other with a feeler gauge.

 I found some template material sold by a vendor at a model show in Toledo a few years ago and bought a few sheets for just such an occasion.  The pieces were not long enough for the eight foot sub so I made it out of two pieces, with an overlap in the center.  This stuff is FANTASTIC to work with.  Score it and it snaps fairly easily.   While I was tracing the periphery from the plans onto the template material I decided to put as much detail on it I could, regarding contour lines. This would help line up later on.

When working with the plans some of the section lines in the side view didn't look constant.  I decided to measure the distances between each one (learned that trick working on automotive tail light plans) and sure enough some were 50mm, some 48.5, some 25mm and one section wasn't even labled,  Section 39.   I measured and documented the distances between the sections, then documented the distances so I could match it when I laid them out on the block.

A second anomoly I noticed was the number of sections labelled Section 25.  I understand why the designer did this, since they are all identical.  I labelled them 25A, 25B etc. 

Note the above photo.  The numbers at the very top of the block are the distances between the section lines.  The second set of numbers are the actual sections (Yes that is 10 1/2, and 9 1/2).

I lined up the template material to the section lines, and made sure the bottom of the hull would be lined up with the bottom of the block.  This would save me from cutting out the whole periphery.

The next adventure was to cut the blocks.  Since I only had a 14" bandsaw, with a throat depth of about 7 1/2"  I opted to cut the planks one at a time. 



Once the board was rough cut, I used a chisel, and my trusty square to make sure the whole periphery of the sub block was flat and square.  This takes a while to say the least. NOTE:  The conning tower will be added later.

A Letter to a BMW Owner

Dear Mr. BMW Owner,

  As expected, we all know you bought that new BMW to be noticed.  As an incentive, I am sure the sales representative, at your local BMW dealership, informed you that part of the lofty price of the car, did include owning part of the road you drive on.  It is not clear whether it is a designated piece of real estate, or just the piece of terra firma your car resides on at any given second.  In any event, you were actually taken in by the dealer, in this assumption.

Unfortunately, the other day, the part of the road you wished to claim was indeed occupied.  <sigh> Yes, that was me in front of you in the HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lane, doing what I love to do, .....  The Legal Speed Limit. 

As a matter of fact, I did notice you.  I noticed you come up behind me, doing mach 2, in the construction zone. (I estimated your speed to be 120 ish, was I close?)  I noticed you ride my tail for several kilometers, impatiently wanting me to pull off the road to let you pass, so you could claim your BMW purchased turf further ahead or me. ALSO, I noticed you flapping your gums in an effort to get me to let you pass, using verbal commands, and hand gestures, last spoken by Adolf Hitler, in 1944. With my cruise control on, and, more than one person in the vehicle I was perfectly legal doing what I was doing.  It is unfortunate that you were alone in your car, as several people could have enjoyed your white knuckle ride with you.

At one point, I assumed you were in my back seat, and I did ask you to back off a bit. Unfortunately, you probably didn't hear me over the thumping sounds I erroneously thought were a piston knock in my vehicle, or a possum in the treads, causing the tires to be out of balance.  It was with much relief, and the doppler effect that I found the sound was actually made possible by the optional custom 356 decibel, 12 speaker super surround sound media  system all carefully tuned to your weight, and head size, by the German engineers at BMW.  Forgive me for that faux pas.  Rap music does that to my old ears.

Ah yes,  I also noticed your attempt to get my attention by flashing your highbeams at me and swerving dangerously close to the retaining wall, to get a beam of light into my side mirror, all while a few inches from my back bumper.  Lucky for me you were so close that my vehicle did indeed block the main light from your Xenon / Krypton mini suns.  As for the mirror, they are adjustable on my lowly vehicle.  I meerly moved the little switch and pointed it in a direction where I thought you could enjoy it as well.  Didn't intend for you to put those sunglasses on.

I had to assume you were in quite the hurry when you went over the solid line, and onto the bumper of the guy next to me, in an effort to pass me.  I must admit, I did catch the gentleman's eye in the Taurus next to me and, with a smile, we telepathically bonded.  I could read his thoughts of keeping pace with me in an effort to save gasoline, protect the baby seals, stop global warming and, in a group effort, help frustrate a moron in a BMW who preferred to think of his fine auto as a weapon rather than a commuting device. 

Through mental communication, the man in the Taurus, three inches off your front bumper, started to pull away from me, while I kept my cruise control set as a standard for all to copy, I thought the event was about to end. 

Just when you thought you had enough room to pass me, he slowed down.  Deliberately you ask? Absolutely.  His drop in speed wasn't due to traffic in front of him (there was none), this was actually due to traffic directly behind him.  Yup, you, Mr. BMW.  I have to confess, when he dropped back to where I was, I did notice a bigass grin on his face.  I smiled and continued to maintain my speed in a safe and orderly fashion. 

Now some,.... well, maybe most people would say that the slower traffic should be to the curb lane.  I agree.  That line of trucks that seemed to go on forever, were indeed slower than us, and they were, indeed, in the curb lane.  That left the middle lane and the HOV lane for the masses. We were going faster than those trucks. Besides, in the city slower traffic is not required to stay to the right unless it is posted.  This was not the case. 

It appears, the highway planning engineers had bequeathed me, my own piece of real estate as well.  I do believe they have a bit more pull than the realtors at BMW.  Since I was driving my bus, I had every right to be in that lane.  You on the other hand, were alone in your car.  Obviously, with all your closest of friends. The truth of the matter was, you were an Asshole.  I knew it, Mr. Taurus knew it, the passengers on the right side of my bus knew it, and now, hopefully YOU know it. 

As for those hair implants of yours?  They look like a corn field in southern Ontario from the air.  Wear a hat until they fill in, and the comb-over, I hope, will be temporary. . . 

My passengers thought the morning entertainment of Mr. Taurus speeding up and dropping back, just to piss you off, was funny..  I apologize for you seeing me laughing at that, when you pulled up next to me.  However, I found it amusing when your tirade looked like you were chewing a wad of bubble gum the size of a golf ball.  It reminded me of a cow chewing its cud. 

As for the hand gestures directed at Mr. Taurus?   Slow down, even the best practitioners of American Sign can't read THAT fast.  I wasn't sure if you were flipping him off, signaling a fire, or walking like an Egyptian. 

Thinking of you,

Yo Yo Mr. Bus Driver (the name is a story in itself)

PS.   There is a dent in your back left quarter panel you should know about.

Those Damned Bears

Bears in the Yard

 Brar Bear here is patiently waiting for me to leave before he makes his attack on my bird feeder.  For spite, the lil bastard is testing the integrity of my custom bird house.  Luckily, no one was home at the time.

Yup... All the time in the world. GET A JOB you freeloader. Note, he is just sitting there to piss me off. He knows full well that my wife won't let me shoot him with a rifle.

Here he is flipping me the paw.  AND... to add insult to insult, he is flashing me his nutsack.  I'll wait till he is big enough to be a rug, where my cats can pose nekkid.